How to Be an Effective Parent t0 a Teenager Girl
Being an effective parent to an adolescent (teen) girl requires a lot of understanding and patience on your behalf. Here are a few tips based on theories and experience.To be a good parent let your child show their personality and you might find out what they like why they like it. It will give them confidence knowing that you approve of who they are really …
Reflect on your own teenage frequently. Identify mistakes your parents made, and make an effort to avoid passing them on to the next several generations. Every generation of parents/children gets to make a whole set of new successes and/or mistakes.
1:::Love your daughter.
Although you naturally do love your daughter, she might not always know that. Not only does she sometimes feel insecure, but she needs to know that you love her for who she is. Remember to keep telling and showing her that she is loved. It’s surprisingly easy to overlook, and it can turn your daughter’s whole outlook around.
2:::Listen to your daughter.
Although it’s natural to want to constantly dispense advice, encouragement, commentary, and question her, you’re more likely to get insights into her by really paying attention to what she is saying (or not saying) and how she says it. She’ll also be more likely to listen to you if she feels she’s being heard. If she isn’t ready to listen to advice and just wants you to be there for her, don’t say anything. She will eventually be ready to listen to you, and that is the right time to talk to her.
3:::Make it easier for your daughter to listen:
Sometimes approaching her with a written letter given in person is a persuasive method of getting her to ‘listen’ to what you have to say. She can take the letter to her own space and read it in her own time. Give her a day or two to digest it and to come up with her response.
When you’re talking (or writing), address her directly. Don’t bring in information about other people or unrelated issues. Listen to what she has to say and create an open environment without judging her.
This works well,I also used to do this with my 13 years old daughter…
Don’t create comparisons, such as with a sibling. This will make her feel as if she is a lesser person than someone else. That’s not fair.
Admit when you’re wrong, even if she wasn’t right either. A teenager can deal with a parent admitting he or she is imperfect. This gives her the space to reflect on her own contributions and lets her know that you are serious in working things through. Also, it shows her respect.
4::::Call in a mentor if needed.
Sometimes, Mom or Dad cannot or is not the ideal person for your girl to go to for advice. That does not mean she disrespects your or thinks you don’t know anything. Respect your daughter’s choice of adviser (as long as that person is capable, safe, and otherwise reasonable).In my case my daughter listen and works carefully upon her father’s advices.
5:::Encourage your daughter’s social life in a positive fashion.
She will increasingly be seeing her friends as important figures in her life. This doesn’t mean you are not important. It means she is developing an adult social life.
Don’t allow her social life to get in the way of her studies. While you shouldn’t keep her home from every party, make sure she is doing well in school.
However, avoid telling her she needs to get a certain grade or rank in order to go to a party. This will make her feel stressed and negative because her social life is at risk. As long as she does her best, you should be proud of her and help her in areas that she may not be doing as well in.
6:::Be a role model.
Be a decent person who is always there for your daughter, ready to listen and advise when needed. If your intent is to treat others with respect and dignity, she will pick this up and emulate it.
Like it or not, adolescents have a hard time interacting with parents at times. Sometimes they want to pretend they don’t have parents. But you can still show your love. Use the power of a mere caring glimpse, a short small smile. It can break down the difficulties between you and let her know that you are receptive to a discussion, or just there for a bear hug should she need it.
8:::::::Do not make your expectations too high..
Use rewards to help her increase her grades instead. For example: If she gets an A grade on her next test, you’ll take her out to ice cream or her favorite restaurant. Don’t make your expectations too high, but don’t let her be lazy.Do not force her to get 1st position in class if she is getting 80 percent marks in most of the subjects……
9:::::give her space
Although give her her space, she still needs your guidance and attention. Teenagers need to know their boundaries, right from wrong, and discipline. She will act and say they don’t want your attention, but in reality, it’s your involvement that helps guide her into being a great woman.
If you need to demonstrate sympathy for her, be genuine. Her feelings are as real as yours. Don’t belittle her feelings if she appears to feel something deeply, like a break-up, a letdown at school or other events in her life. Give her examples of what you went through as a teenager and how you managed them to help her realize that there is light at the end of the tunnel and that she can move on. (Although she may act like she cannot believe you were ever her age!)
Remember that although your daughter may be as tall or taller than you, and looks like a woman, her brain is not completely grown. She does not think like a grown-up. She may make some not-very-well-thought-out choices, she may be impulsive, she may do bizarre things at times. The reason is she isn’t using all her brain yet. So be patient; she’ll get there.give her guidelines and boundaries.
12::Make time for your children.
Be careful not to stifle or smother them, however. There’s a big difference between protecting someone and imprisoning them within your too unyielding demands. You want them to feel like your time together is sacred and special without making them feel like they are forced to spend time with you.
Spend time with each child individually. Try to divide your time equally if you have more than one child.
Listen and respect your child and respect what they want to do with their life. Remember though, you are the parent. Children need boundaries. A child who has been allowed to behave as they please and had their every whim indulged will struggle in adult life when they have to obey the rules of society. You are NOT a bad parent if you don’t allow your children to have everything they want. You can say no but you should provide a reason for saying no or offer an alternative. “Because I said so” is an invalid reason!
Set aside a day to go to a park, theme parks, museum or library depending on their interests.
Attend school functions. Do homework with them. Visit their teacher at open house/parents evening to get a sense of how they are doing in school.
13::::::Enforce reasonable rules.
Enforce rules that apply to every person leading a happy and productive life — not model rules of your ideal person. It’s important to set rules and guidelines that help your child develop and grow without being so strict that your child feels like he can’t take a step without doing something wrong. Ideally, your child should love you more than he fears your rules.
Communicate your rules clearly.
Children should be very familiar with the consequences of their actions. If you give them a punishment, be sure they understand the reason and the fault; if you cannot articulate the reason and how they are at fault the punishment will not have the discouraging effects you desire.
Make sure that you not only set reasonable rules, but that you enforce them reasonably. Avoid overly harsh forms of punishment, ridiculously stringent punishments for minor infractions, or anything that involves physically hurting your child.
One way to encourage them to exercise is to get them to play a sport early on in life, so they find a passion that is also healthy.
If you start over-explaining to the child that something is unhealthy or that they shouldn’t get it, they may take it the wrong way and feel like you are condemning them. Once this happens, they may no longer want to eat with you, and they may feel bad eating around you, which could make them want to sneak and hide junk food from you.
When trying to enforce healthy eating habits, start it at a younger age. Giving rewards of candy to children may create a bad habit, because once they get older, some may feel they should reward themselves which can lead to obesity. While they are young, start them out with healthier snacks. Instead of chips, try goldfish (crackers), grapes, etc.